The Big 3-0

I will be turning the big 3-0 soon. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I hate getting older. On the other, I feel so much more freedom with who I am, where I am going, and the things I want to accomplish.

So, for the most part, I guess you could say I’m feeling pretty darn good about it. My health is only getting better since the injury. In fact, my chiropractor says I should be good as new around the end of this year or into early next. He tells me I should be proud of my progress and hard work. This is the happiest I have felt in a long time.

Last year’s struggles

This last year has shaped me in ways I never thought imaginable. I’m not even talking about the chiropractor, though that has taken a tremendous amount of energy and strength out of me. I’ve learned so much more about myself. I’ve always known who I am and all that encompasses my character. There have been trials in the last year – health, relationships, emotional wellbeing – but I’ve grown from those trials.

Never quit fighting for what it is you want, even when you feel like you are going nowhere but down.

The chiropractor seemed to be never-ending. It was days of sleep and pain. Medications to get my muscles to cooperate, some to help ease the pain. Then an oral surgery that came out of nowhere. I had been hit physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially in ways that I struggle to describe. It felt as though I was heading down a black hole and barely keeping myself above water. More and more, swallowing down the waves that pushed me under.

On top of that, my body only wanted to sleep; to escape from the exertion and pain and stress, and my work was suffering because of it. I fought and worked any time I could – when I was awake, that is – and fortunately, I was able to get the work done. I pushed myself and focused on the fact that my nervous system was once again being restructured. This time was slower than the few seconds it took for the injury to completely throw my body off course, but this time it was for the better. It was difficult to practice patience with this healing, but some of the most valuable parts of life take time.

Never allow people to make you feel guilty for putting your wellness first.

I lost a friend because of this. She focused on her own needs and not once did notice my struggling. Even when I tried explaining it to her countless times. It always came back to her. She pushed, and I caved. She needed and I gave, and it had reached a point where the well had run dry. I could not keep up with all she needed when I was drowning. I hate that we ended due to my desire to work toward sanity and healing, but in the end, I suppose that is one way you find out who truly stands in your corner.

If you couldn’t see it from 1 & 2, I was falling into a pit of depression.

It seemed like I was not getting better even though I was going to the chiropractors 3 times a week. Plus an oral surgery that messed up my jaw, and a friendship that I had moved across the country for only to be let down. Depression was my friend again, and I welcomed her. She is no stranger to me, but I thought I had placed her in my past. But her dark shadow returned. Luckily, she was only a shadow this time; a dark smudge in the corner of my life cleansed by true friendship and meditation.

Close friends sent me items to help me get through those difficult times. They understood that it hurt to talk too much and that I was exhausted all the time, but they showed they cared in small, subtle ways. They reminded me that I was not alone while I fought my battles. It brought a little extra light to my days. The stressors fell away and one by one I noticed changes. I began to see that my jaw pain was lessening. My smile was returning. My body was shifting. Happiness was returning.

This coming year’s goals

I’ve been planning for the last few months what it is I hope to accomplish. What I want to share to all of those who follow me and even those who just like a quote or two. How I can reach people on a regular basis and remind them that they are not alone. I have more I need to figure out to make these ideas happen, but I am working hard to get there!

So, it sucks that I’m getting older, but I love where my life is heading. And I cannot wait to see how the future will shape me.